THE FIRST DATE

THE FIRST DATE from a Dating Website service

Many of my clients report using a dating website. They report disappointment with some of these meetings. How so? Information exchanged electronically usually starts off positively, but attitudes change after a face-to-face meeting. One of the most frequent comments I hear is that the “real” person is very different from the image and description of the person on the website. Pictures don’t lie, but they may be out of date. Descriptions may be skimpy, and you will need more information to get a clearer idea of what the other person may be like. All of this takes time. If you were looking for a friend, I am sure your experience is that good friends are hard to come by. Once you meet someone, it may be several months or even years before you realize what a good friend you have. How could it take any less time to find someone that is easy to live with, respectful, caring, compassionate, and helpful?

Please take time to look at my other articles on this website.

Dating through the internet

 How to establish a best friendship  to set the foundation for an intimate relationship?

Another frequent comment I hear is that one of the persons on the date communicates interest in having sex very quickly. If this is not for you, try this.

Before agreeing to “go out for coffee” , “a movie” or “a walk” tell the person that you believe that a solid relationship is built first on friendship, then gradually intimacy may begin. What I am writing is that closeness will occur naturally if the couple are comfortable with one another. That is, both members of the couple are comfortable with each other. But before coming closer, the couple need time, conversation and activity together to find out if closeness is possible. So to begin with, you need to say:

“Hands off the merchandise! That means for both of us.”

And then you need to ask the other person if they understand what you mean. You could say,Do you understand me?

Then ask, Are you OK with this?

Listen carefully to see if you get a believable response, and that the other person really agrees with you. If the other person were to say, “I am so glad you said this. I feel the same way”, then you have an idea that you are both thinking similarly. On the other hand, if the other were to say, “You know, I don’t buy that.” and then goes on to give reasons, DO NOT BOTHER. FIND SOMEONE ELSE who will agree with you.